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BLIND, STUPID AND DESPERATE
 
Articles: Miscellaneous:
If I had the wings of a sparrow...
Brought to you courtesy of Kevin Birdseye
 
The first person to suggest that we're trying to take our minds off football gets shouted at but Watford Mailing List and BSaD readers from around the world have been busy with their foreign language skills.

Unfortunately, we're not going to tell you the German for "I've run out of camera film, please direct me to the nearest photographer-friendly store". We can, however, prove how clever we are by translating everyone's favourite Luton-hating song, 'If I Had The Wings Of A Sparrow' into an unnecessarily large number of languages. Don't snigger - you just never know when a Latvian version of a rude song about an insignificant town in Bedfordshire is going to come in handy.

Lest we forget, the English lyrics go something like this...

If I had the wings of a sparrow,
If I had the arse of a crow,
I'd fly over L***n tomorrow
And sh!t on the bastards below.

Sh!t on, sh!t on,
Sh!t on the bastards below, below,
Sh!t on, sh!t on,
Sh!t on the bastards below.

Tasteful, no? Anyway, brace yourselves...

FRENCH:

Si j'avais les ailes d'un piaf
Si j'avais le cul d'un corbeau
Je survolerais L***n dès demain
Et chierais sur les salauds d'en haut,d'en haut!
Et chierais sur les salauds d'en haut!

(chorus:)
Chiiii-ez! Chiiii-ez!
Chiez sur les salauds d'en haut,d'en haut!
Chiiii-ez! Chiiii-ez!
Chiez sur les salauds d'en haut!

GERMAN:

Wenn ich der Flugelen von der Spatz habe,
und ich der Arsche von die Krahen habe,
Ich wurde oben L***n fliegen,
und auf die Bastarden unter scheissen
uzw, uzw

DUTCH:

Als ik de vleugels van 'n mus had,
En trouwens de reet van 'n roek,
Dan zou ik L***n overliegen
En schijten op de kloten beneden, beneden!
En schijt op de kloten beneden

Schijt op! Schijt op!
Schijt op de kloten beneden, beneden! (etc).

ITALIAN:

Se avessi l'ale d'un passero
Se avessi il culo d'una cornacchia
Volerei sopra L***n domani
E cagherei sui bastardi sotto, sotto
E cagherei sui bastardi sotto

NORWEGIAN:

Hvis ae hadde spurvsvinger
Hvis ae hadde kraakesraeva
Ae ville fly rett over L***n i morgen
Og baesje drittsekkene under, under

Baesje, baesje, baesje drittsekkene under, under
Baesje, baesje, baesje drittsekkene under.

FINNISH:

Jos minulla olisi varpusen siivet
Jos minulla olisi varpusen perse
Lentisin L****in yli huomenna
Ja paskaisin niiten vittujen plle

Paskaisin, paskaisin
Paskaisin niitten vittujen plle
Paskaisin, paskaisin
Paskaisin niiten vittujen plle

SPANISH:

Si tuviera las alas de un pajaro
Si tuviera el culo de un gorrion
Volaria manana sobre L***n
Cagaria en los hijos de cabron, cabron
Cagaria en los hijos cabron.

PORTUGUESE:

Se tivesse as asas de um Pardal,
Se tivesse a traseira de um Corvo,
A Manaha voava acima de L***n
E cagava abaixo aos Bastardos.

HARLEM:

If ah' had da damn win's uh a sparrow
If ah' had da damn arse uh a crow
I'd fly ova' L***n tomo'row an' shit on de bastards below, below
And shit on de bastards below.

SWEDISH:

Om jag hade sparvens vinger
Om jag hade krakans arsle
Skulle jag flyga over L***n imorgan
Och skita packet under, under

Skita, skita, skita packet under, under!
Skita, skita, skita packet under!

LUXEMBOURG:

Had ech d'Flilecken vun engem Spatz,
Had ech den Uarsch vun engem Kuerb,
Gif ech muar ivver L***n fleien,
An op dei Sei doennen shaissen,
An op dei Sei doennen shaissen.

Shaiss op! Shaiss op! Shaiss op de L***n doennen, doennen,
Shaiss op! Shaiss op! Shaiss op de L***n doennen!

BOLLOCKS:

Y fiarrd iw eing sarfas para
Y fiarrd eing sarfa cra
Eidf lioffal u entam a ra
N tchi tanthab aa tsar tsbilo

Tchi tan, tchi tan, tchi tanthab aa tsar tsbilo, bilo,
Etc.

WEST RIDING:

If thy'ad wings t'sparra, 'nt arse 't crow,
'Ad fly ovah Luton Taan,
'nt shit on't bastads below...

JAPANESE:

Watashi wa suzume no tsubasa ga areba,
Watashi wa karasu no roba ga areba,
Ashita, L***n ue ni tobu koto ga dekiru,
Sore kara, kuso shitte ni bakamon shita ni.

Kuso shitte, Kuso Shitte, Kuso shitte ni bakamon shita ni, shita ni!
Kuso shitte, Kuso Shitte, Kuso shitte ni bakamon shita ni.

LATVIAN:

Ja vien man bûtu zvirbula spârni,
Ja vien man bûtu krauklîša dibens,
Es rîtdien jau lidotu Lutonai pâri,
Bastardus lejâ apkakâdams

(Koris (chorus))
Apkakâdams, apkakâdams,
Bastardus lejâ apkakâdams,
Apkakâdams, apkakâdams,
Bastardus lejâ apkakâdams

GALICIAN:

Se tivese as ás dun pardal
Se tivese o cu dun corvo
Voaria sobre L***n mañá
e cagaría sobre os cabrons embaixo, embaixo
e cagaría sobre os cabrons embaixo.

CORO (chorus)
Caga e caga, cagaría sobre os cabrons embaixo, embaixo
Caga e caga, cagaría sobre os cabrons embaixo

HUNGARIAN:

Ha vereb szarnya szarnyam lenne,
Varjú segge seggem volna,
L***n felett átrepülve,
Szarnék én a galádokra.

ICELANDIC:

Ef eg hefdi vaengi finku
Ef eg hefdi rass kraku
Myndi eg fljuga yfir Luton a morgun
og skita a fiflin thar.

AFRIKAANS:

As ek die vlerke van 'n mossie sou hê,
As ek die gat van 'n kraai sou hê,
Sou ek môre oor L***n vlieg,
En kak op die vuilgoed daar onder.

Kak op, kak op,
Kak op die vuilgoed daar onder, daar onder,
Kak op, kak op,
Kak op die vuilgoed daar onder.

URDU:

Agar meray paas chirya jaesay punKhey hoi thay
Agar meray paas kauWa jaesay peynda ho tha
Maen kal Ee L*t*n key uptar urTa
Aur haram zaadayO par taTee kar ta

TaTee kar ta, taTee kar ta
Haram zaadayO par taTee kar ta

RUSSIAN:

Yesli by u menya byli kryl'ya vorob'ya
Yesli by u menya byla zhopa vorony
Ya by zavtra polyetyel nad L***nom
I by nasral na tyekh svolochyei na zyemlyei.
Nasral na, Nasral na,
Nasra nasral na tyekh svolochyei na zyemlyei.

DANISH:

Hvis jeg havde en spurvs vinger
Hvis jeg havde rv som en krage
Ville jeg flyve over L***n i morgen
Og skide p bastarderne under mig

Skide p dem! Skide p dem!
Skide p bastarderne nedenunder, nedenunder!

POLISH:

Ach gdybym mia skrzyda jak wrbel
Oj gdybym dup wrony mia
Wzbibym si wysoko nad L***n
I na gnojw oddabym ka

oddaym ka
na gnojw oddabym ka!

AMHARIC:

Yamora kinf binorenye,
Yewef k'eet binorenye,
B'Luton lai berrerei,
B'digala'ortchulai arrab'atachau neber!

ALBANIAN:

Po te kisha flatrat e nje zogu
Dhe bythen e nje lope
Qe neser do te fluturoja mbi Luton
T'i dhisja bastardet nga siper

TURKISH:

Eğer sercenin kanatları benim olsaydı,
Eğer kargonın götu benim olsaydı,
Yarın L***n'ın üstünden uçardım,
Ve o pezevenklerin üstüne bok atardım.

Bok at, bok at,
Bok at pezevenkleri üstüne, üstüne,
Bok at, bok at,
Bok at pezevenkleri üstüne.

ALI G:

If me did have da wings of a sparrow,
If me did have da batty hof a crow,
I'd fly hova Luton tomorrow
And plop on da bastids below.

Plop hon, plop hon,
Plop on da bastids below, below,
Plop hon, plop on,
Plop on da bastids below.

WELSH:

Os genydd adenydd fel aderyn y tô
Os genydd twll din fel brân
Fe fydd af yn hedfan dros Luton yfory
Ac chachu dros y cythreuliaid ar y llawr

KLINGON:

chugh jIH ghajta' tel Du' vo' sparrow
chugh jIH ghajta' Sa'Hut Du' vo' crow
jIH puv Dung L***n wa'leS
'ej plaQta Daq baQa' bIng

plaQta Daq plaQta Daq
plaQta Daq baQa' bIng ,bIng
plaQta Daq plaQta Daq
plaQta Daq baQa' bIng ,bIng

PASCAL:

Procedure IfIHadTheWings(const sWhere, sWhen, sWho, sWhereY:string);

const
NUM_SHIT_ONS = 5; var wIndex:word; begin if (wings = SPARROW) and (arse = CROW) then begin FlyOver(sWhere, sWhen); for wIndex:= 0 to (NUM_SHIT_ONS - 1) do ShitOn(sWho, sWhereY); end; end; begin IfIHadTheWings('Luton', 'tomorrow', 'bastards', 'below'); end.

FORMULA:

If, I= wings(sparrow)+ arse(crow)
     
then, Id  fly                    shit 
         ------   2(morrow) +   ------
         L***n                  bastards

MORSE CODE:

.. ..-. /  .. /  .... .- -.. /  - .... . /  .-- .. -. --. ... /  --- ..-. /  .- /  ... .--. .- .-. .-. --- .--

.. ..-. / .. / .... .- -.. / - .... . / .- .-. ... . / --- ..-. / .- / -.-. .-. --- .--

.. .----. -.. / ..-. .-.. -.-- / --- ...- . .-. / .-.. ..- - --- -. / - --- -- --- .-. .-. --- .--

.- -. -.. / ... .... .. - / --- -. / - .... . / -... .- ... - .- .-. -.. ... --..-- / -... . .-.. --- .-- --..--

... .... .. - / --- -. --..-- / ... .... .. - / --- -.

... .... .. - / --- -. / - .... . / -... .- ... - .- .-. -.. ... / -... . .-.. --- .-- / -... . .-.. --- .--

... .... .. - / --- -. --..-- / ... .... .. - / --- -.

... .... .. - / --- -. / - .... . / -... .- ... - .- .-. -.. ... / -... . .-.. --- .--