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BLIND, STUPID AND DESPERATE
 
Goal machines:
Iwan Roberts
By Kingsley Roberts
 
Iwan is another big striker who plays as if his feet were tied together. This lumbering Welsh wonder, who has since plied his trade at two Mark McGee Soccer Schools Of Excellence and is now at Norwich, taught Glyn "The lazy git" Hodges to sing the Welsh national anthem in Welsh! He never really commanded a first team place. He was big and awkward and spent most of his time getting in the way of better players, like his prolific striking partner "Tricky" Trevor Senior.

However, I do remember two wonderful moments of skill from this red haired giant. The first came in the home game against Oxford in the 88-89 season under Steve "Up and at them" Harrison when the Horns were trailing to a David Bardsley goal. The ball came to the Welsh wonder just outside the box, who suddenly decided to zig-zag through a stunned Oxford attack. After having beaten two or three players he pulled the ball back for the amazed Paul Wilkinson to slot home. From what I have seen of Iwan, he has never been able to repeat such a moment of skill and probably never will so it was certainly a once in a lifetime experience.

The second goal was not as spectacular, but typified Iwan's one talent - the fact that he was a tall bloke. It came in the same season when the Horns were playing Man City in an important promotion battle (remember them?). Gifted Glyn Hodges received the ball on the left and put in one of his tantalising crosses which appeared to be heading towards a cluster of Man City defenders, but lurking in between them was the Celtic wizard, who jumped in the air high enough for the ball to bounce off the top of his head and into the back of the net. I think Iwan was as surprised as the rest of us and gave us all a lovely smile, showing off his buck teeth which have rather unsurprisingly been knocked out.

Iwan was later shipped off to Huddersfield where he was a prolific goal scorer in the old Third Division, and then made his glamour move to Leicester. Iwan played forty-two times plus twenty-three as a sub, scoring twelve goals. More recently, he's been found in a Norwich shirt.