Match of the Day
By Farzana Chaudry
The characters in the following conversation are fictitious. Any coincidence
with any real life characters or situations past or present is purely
Saturday 12th Feb
Editor MotD : Hello...Are your cameras ready and rolling at Vicarage Road?
It is very important that you keep me personally briefed on all the
developments as they happen.
Commentator MotD : Bit of a hostile home reaction to Stan. GB's have a
couple of key players returning back from injury, namely Smart, the geezer
who scored the second goal at Wembley....mind, they all looked impressive,
sharp and focused during warm-up....
E MotD : Who do these hornets think they are? We fully expect Leicester to
trounce them. This match is scheduled to the one of the featured matches.
Harry Winker's been looking forward to it for weeks.
C MotD : Watford are looking stronger than they have been in weeks. Palmer
had a good shot, that just cleared the top post and bar. A subtle flick from
Smart, unfortunately straight to Flowers. Oh, and he also had a very
powerful volley and I still just don't know how it didn't go in.
E MotD : Yeah, yeah. What about Leicester, remember that's why you're there!
C MotD : But...but...
E MotD : No buts.. have they had any attempts?
C MotD : Heskey had a header, but Page clearly had it covered and
brilliantly defended it over. There's been a powerful volley from Cottee,
struck straight into Day. That keeper's having a good game. Leicester are
looking like muppets.
E MotD : Listen mate, I shouldn't have to remind you of our little
conversation before the match. Get on with reporting the match and get off
the Watford Survival Bandwagon.
E MotD : Half-time report..... come on what's happening?
C MotD : Leicester are in the lead, feel a bit sorry for Watford, mind. A
poor goal that should have been initially cleared by Palmer.
E MotD : Just replaying and watching it now.... ha ha, good shot of Page
sitting in front of the goal post looking down in despair... we can use that
in May when we review the team's performance. How's Stan doing?
C MotD : Well, to be perfectly honest, he's not really had much involvement
in the game, he continues to be heckled. I'm sure the Sunday papers will be
full of praise for him lasting forty-five minutes, but he looks a bit sluggish.
E MotD : NOW LISTEN. I didn't want to bring this up, you've had enough
chances and you leave me with no option. Your contract is up for renewal,
one hungry mouth to feed and one more on the way...would be tragic indeed if
their daddy lost their job. Next week Winker's co-hosting some children's
charity programme with Ulrika, he does not want to be embarrassed by your
biased and blatant comments. Do I need to spell it out any more clearly than
that? You know the score between him and GT.
C MotD : Er, Watford have equalized, crap goal really, Walsh should have
cleared it easily. Wooter scored the goal, not much skill involved really,
it just kind of fell to his head...shame...real shame...
E MotD : That's more like it matey...wasn't that painful now, was it?
C MotD : Er, hello. It's just finished 1-1. Day made some, er, very lucky
saves. Stan's had two shots at goal, think we should feature them both in this
evening's programme. Walsh was lucky not be sent off for a second tackle...
we can't show that. Watford thought they had it in the bag with a late
effort from Smart. Anyway, he looked a bit wobbly and not at all fit. In fact,
the whole of Watford's team lacked skill and class.
E MotD : That's more like it, now I'm sure we'll get on very well indeed...
A small backroom in the Bluh Bluh Cee.
Harry Winker : No, no, you are not having this as a featured match. There
appears to be a real revival in Watford's fortunes. They had three key players
return from injury who played well, heck they all played well, how can we
show that? How can you forget what he did to me! I don't care if I was
playing crap, he denied me my chance. You feature it tonight and you get
yourself another presenter! I still haven't forgiven Hansunny for his
comments after their trip to Anfield earlier this season. I am not in the
business of lifting their hopes up!
E MotD : Harry, Harry calm down... you can get a chance to smirk and grin,
following the post-match interview, he may even sing again!
HW : No no no...you make sure you slot it in the closing few seconds of the
programme. I mean it!!!