By Ivan Veall
I am beginning to feel like a conformist. This is not necessarily a good thing, but it does make me think that I am not interpreting the stuff in front of me 100% differently from people with whom I would choose to agree. Like fellow Watford fans.
So. Having drawn the new squad in parallel with some automotive stuff I found myself being kept awake until 2.30 this morning by a frustrating urge to compare recent games with different types of armchairs. This could be something to do with being a bit on-off at work at the moment; it could be the non-conformist aspect of my personality seeking some form of retribution for my conformist views; it could be a way of including a particularly visual moment I had at a moment of Wolves' misfortune or it could be that people might see where I am coming from and agree that describing a game of football to someone who wasn't there is only partially adequate. What we are now seeing is much more in the spiritual heartland of what I believe has made supporting this club and team so special for me.
The game against Norwich was a really comfy big armchair. Well made, fully sprung, been in the family for quite a while and the sort of thing you would like to inherit because it is good. It is big enough for two to snuggle up comfortably or one to slob indulgently. However, sit in slightly the wrong part and a spring pierces your thigh; you remove it, but another appears, and another etc until you pick up the cushion, give it a good plumping and squash it back down on the errant springs. Comfy but flawed.
Colin's prima donna's are a big reception area shiny leather Winchester. It looks very intimidating but in actual fact is a bit of an illusion. Again, well made but actually a lot more inviting than its austere appearance may suggest. This time though, your comfort is compromised by the slipperyness of the leather and you find yourself slipping off onto the floor of the intimidating reception area just as the person you are meeting turns up. Bugger.
Finally then, what was the Wolves game? An olde worlde Carver chair in a pub with wobbly floors but no real beer and boil-in-bag food. You find a beermat to remove the wobble and just as you are thinking of going a thoughtful member of staff appears with a nice little cushion to ease the numbness that was creeping in.
I look forward during the course of this season to seeing a top of the range Parker Knoll Recliner, an inflatable clear pink plastic job, one of those BIBA things that hangs from the ceiling and one of those IKEA chairs that they test 150,000 times to see how many times it can bounce back.
I hope that we won't see any more of those horrendously out of fashion pouffes. Like the one at right back for Colin's lot.
Off now to take some medicine.