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BLIND, STUPID AND DESPERATE
 
04/05: Preview: Watford
Factfile and Other Bits

Transfers

In:
Jermaine Darlington (Franchise FC, Free)
Andy Ferrell (Newcastle United, Free)
Brynjar Gunnarsson (Stoke City, Free)

Out:
Jerel Ifil (Swindon Town, 75,000)
Lee Cook (Queens Park Rangers, Tribunal)
Nathan Boothe (Franchise FC, Free)
Wayne Brown (Colchester United, Free)
Gary Fisken (Swansea City, Free)
Micah Hyde (Burnley, Free)
Paolo Vernazza (Rotherham United, Free)
Elliott Godfrey
Stephen Graham
Simon Patterson
Sam Swonnell

Soundbites (from assorted Census correspondents)

"I put 21st for our league position until I went through the squad to fill in my starting eleven. If they're all fit, and Gunnarsson's good enough to at least partly make up for Hyde's departure, we might not still be worrying about relegation too far into the season."

"Why do I still look forawrd to the season when I know (this year for a fact) that I will be wanting it over after 5 games ??? (Lee Cook will score against us - guaranteed)."

"In 1973 two blind Peruvian soccer teams played a match using a ball filled with dried peas. "

"I am looking forward to Leeds away because the girl I had a fling with lives nearby. My wife found out so I'm now separated and going to be divorced. Bastards changed it to a Tuesday though. Grrrr"

"Here's an incredible fact for ya! On a British two pound coin, there are 19 cogs arranged in a connected circle, but of course an odd number of cogs in a circle will not turn, amazing eh?!"

"Somewhere we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me"

"Now i've done with this, I shall waste some more time at work playing on line poker"

"My neighbours are having their garden 'decking' removed & a lawn laid in its place. They dont like Football, but he used to play for London Welsh & drinks lots of beer."

"Confession: I checked my spelling of Brynjar Gunnarsson Disclaimer: I'm in a library, thus my random book line has nothing to do with my personal taste. Computing is mind numbing, although this is no reflection on one of this site's admins, who I believe is an IT chap. Sorry."

"Wayne Rooney, whilst a great player, can hardly string a scentence together - so the chance of his colum in The Sun being awarded any prizes for journalistic merit are very slim"

"Scott Fitzgerald used to play for Northwood, not Northwood TOWN (I should know, I go to watch them often enough)"

"Marlon Brando has died, aged 80, although he didnt look a day over 40 stone"

"SORT IT OUT, LEWINGTON!" (yeah, thanks ig - co-ed)

"Put the bloody camera gantry in the now defunct main stand so when next on telly it looks like a half decent ground instead of a prime example of "art Luto" architecture"

"i couldnt do the pizza thing which really upset me, so i bought a hammer and hammered the mouse till it broke, when it broke i started to sweep up the remainding bit, then i started hammering them again, before feeding them to the local donkey"

"Clive Tyldesley and revolving doors are both fundamentally flawed designs in my opinion, but if the former was trapped in the latter, then two wrongs could make a right. I also prefer Scotch Eggs to Pork Pies"

"When I'm mowing the lawn I always sing the "There's only one Tommy Mooney/Stevie Palmer" song."

"The Seventeenth Century composer Jean-Baptiste Lully died of blood poisoning after stabbing himself in the foot with his walking stick while conducting an orchestra"

"I am concerned as to the whereabouts of a few magnificent ex-Watford strikers such as Jamie Someone and Trevor Senior and Lee "Diver" Nogan. Not that concerned, mind you"

"My mate was banned for three months from the walkers staduim the last time we went (for smoking). Lucky he's a Watford fan. "

"Elton John should be supported by Jethro Tull at the Vic"

"I need the rest but it will be good to be back"

"I believe that Watford Football Club to be the one shining light in an otherwise dark world perverted by greed, ignorance and stupidity. Avanti!"

"My 3 year old daughter thinks cricket is "skittles" and atheltics is "chase", but football is always football!"

"Craig Ramage was quite good in championship Manager 2 1995-96 season"

"You ask if anyone remembers Craig Ramage, but does anyone remember Alex Inglethorpe - surely this Watford legend deserves to be remembered too!"

"I have assumed by plug you mean a standard domestic 13 amp. "

"We really have got a thin squad this season. The only other player I thought about including was Ashley Young - our first choice 11 is by default rather than by merit. No fault of Ray. I'm begining to feel uneasy about the people who run the club. Yes, money is short, but I just feel this is going to be yet another long, hard season..."

"The East Stand will be closed next season so forunately we no longer have to listen to the half brain who insisted on slagging off Gavin Mahon all season (he used to sit between the Directors box and the press box) Hopefully he will renew his interest at Kennilworth Road where he belongs and let the rest of us actually SUPPORT our team. "

"Lewington is ruining the young playesr at the club - Doyley was amazing at right-back before he came; MacNamee the future of the club; Cookie went because he wasn't given a go. Come on Ray - give them more of a chance rather than Ardley at r-b! If I am wrong and Ardley's sensational performances get us promoted next season and he is player of the year, I will apologise and kiss Ray's feet until our first Premiership fixture the following August"

"The average farmed (broiler) chicken has a lifespan of 38 days. Free range chickens 59 days and organic chickens 84 days. The difference in lifespan is down to exposure to daylight (real or simulated)."

"I picked the wrong day to go and choose my replacement seat in the Main Stand. I now have a crap view"

"Quite handy having Homer's Iliad nearby, it almost makes me look clever. Shame I've not read as far as that line though"

"Albert Camus was a really crap goalkeeper"

"Please don't let David Pleat anywhere near a commentary box. His ghastly nasal ramblings make me want to set fire to my ears"

"My conscience is clear anyway. And I hope the Bovril hasn't been axed again. I also want to cast a write-in vote for chillies. Thanks for everything."

"i sent this to a leeds supporter. he said: 'why would i want to look at that? its for nationwide league fans.....oh, i see.' the penny drops"

"Peanuts grow in the ground, apparently. They're not really proper nuts, more like seeds."

"nice to get back to expectations of a mediocre season with a team you really care about rather than all the hype around Engerland"

"Oh Lord save us the embarassment of the "Coca Coca Football League Championship" (sic - I think I will be)."

"My Girlfriend is asking me lots of questionas about who Craig Ramage is now!"

"First season in donkey's years that I won't have a season ticket. Not a protest or anything (I'm going to be oveseas) but the last time I was without a ST we lost in our first play-off adventure with Steve Harrison in charge... maybe a good omen this time around???"

"Selecting a team makes me think Lewington will have his work cut out. As for a week link, I only hope Gunnarsson can be a strong one"

"The auto fill puts one's name into the 'Name something rubbish' box. Cheers..."

"Watford are going to storm the league/championship whatever, win the carling cup and the FA Cup, conquor Europe and beyond................mwah hahahaha (evil laughter) !!!!!!!!!!"

"Bring Back Luther"

"I Love Watfordfc but can't go as much as i'd like because i have to work to pay the bills. Also George Bush is evil, the world is screwed, and the clash rule"

"You know the person you work with that you sort of like and seems like a decent person? Then you go out to lift a couple and they get weirder and more annoying with every minute. That's how I feel about QPR right now."

"you dont know how great a club watford is until you live with bloody man united supporting ignorant americans"

"Burnley? BURNLEY??????"

"If travelling to Bulgaria don't rent a car unless you want to end up a pancake as Bulgarian drivers are complete nutters."