Soundbites (from assorted Census correspondents)

"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind"

"bracknell's twintown is leverkusen"

"Our midfielder Dickson Etuhu just smacked his head on a metal platform in a Manchester garage and is out injured for a week. The worst bit about this story is it's true."

"Craig Brown is a crap manager. Ricardo Fuller has a huge ego problem. PNE are Watford's bogey team. Luton Town's away section is a disgrace. This survey is much better than the usual crap."

"your pitch is a disgrace and not fit for soccer-get rid of that rugby club"

"Craig Brown is the biggest fraud in football."

"The walrus has the second biggest penis of any mammals living! not sure what is first"

"Craig Brown - The death of PNE"

"I've just been fired!"

"Craig Brown would be a great manager for Watford"

"I saw Keith from The Office in Balham Sainsbury's last week"

"Wycombe are going down again this season - well done Tony Admans!"

"I really am Craig Ramage you bastards"

"Expect Craig Brown gone by Christmas..." (or sooner, if he reads this lot - ed)